Chapter 29: Becoming a new mother…What they DON’T tell you!

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A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.

Of course becoming a first time mother is beautiful…I mean you just created a human being, you managed to carry another person for a whole 9 months all on your own and you get to connect with someone on a deeper level that is unexplainable and way out of this world…it’s a miracle.

Is it all Glitz and Glam though?

Unfortunately, it is not! From the moment you find out you’re pregnant you are already paying the price for a crime that you did not commit…like literally! You start feeling nauseous along with all those other weird and uncomfortable symptoms.

Then after that you have people lying to you that it won’t be that painful when giving birth but the moment you start feeling contractions it already feels like you’re slowly dying painfully. It just gets worse and worse till you’re in labour wishing to give up but because you are a strong, independent woman, you don’t, of course. I honestly don’t know how I manage to have a natural birth and I completely understand for those mothers that ask for pain relief during the process. It is the most physical pain I have ever felt in my entire life, even more than toothache!

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But I’m not here to talk about the hard times of pregnancy and during giving birth. What drove me to write this blog is the fact that I am sick of seeing new mothers like me crying for help and still, people make us feel like we are the problem.

It is not us being dramatic, it is real…we are going through it, and no one understands how much we need a lot of moral and physical support from strangers, work colleagues and most important, our loved ones.

Ok, let’s start with the discrimination against mothers in workplaces. There are a bunch of similar cases in where a female worker gets pregnant, and of course although we are entitled with our maternity leave rights, somehow corporations have a way to get rid of new mothers once they are back or during their maternity leave rather than providing us with extra support since we now have someone else to take care of!

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Anyway, these companies will use any excuse to avoid having to accept making changes to your working hours and any time off work you may have to take in the near future as children require a lot of attention and extra care. There are many loop holes in these regulations that the government has in place to protect new mothers. Therefore, companies can easily replace us with other people who have older kids or people that do not have children. Never mind your hard work and contribution to the business, it is all gone and forgotten now, you scratched their backs but they will not scratch yours haha…no for real…that’s not even funny.

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However, if you are lucky enough to keep your job, you too can suffer with all the criticisim from the society that we live in today. If you work too much and don’t get to spend enough time with your baby or if you decide to go back to work early, you are a selfish cow who only thinks about yourself (even though you are working to support your bundle of joy), you are sacrificing precious hours that yo could be with your baby. What they don’t realise that deep inside you are heartbroken that you are missing out on important and unforgettable moments that you will never get back.

We have feelings too!

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Let’s talk about the depression, anxiety and rage that we go through due to all the physical and emotional changes that we go through. Does anyone care? Sometimes, even our partners are not even bothered to really sit down with us and ask us if we need any time for self care or provide us with the support that we crucially desire. Some even have the nerve to criticise our parenting, and if it’s not our parenting, they will dig out on how we are behaving. Well guess what my loves…deep inside we just want to explode!

I do know that most husbands are very understanding on what a woman goes through postpartum. It is a long process for recovery. So they help us with the chores and the new baby, and some even go beyond by making sure we are loved enough and telling us that we are beautiful everyday. However, they get in their feelings too as if they were the ones that have been carrying all that weight for nine months and were there in the labour room pushing the baby out! The audacity…You sir need to sit down and listen to your wife rant, AND make sure she’s got her favourite snacks and flowers every once in a while!

It does sound like I am exaggerating on this matter but, the sad truth is that this is the reality that many mothers are going through right now.

We love our babies, they are the ones who keep us strong, they keep us on our toes but they also show us that we are the most important people in their lives and they are the ones that love us the most when we feel like the rest of the world hate us.

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Motherhood can feel lonely even though we have a lot of people around us. I describe it as a kind of an oxymoron because even though we have a lot of support from people who really care about us, we still don’t really get the support we need at all. Nobody gets us.

So please, be kinder to us and love us for who we have become. We are doing the best we can to ensure the safety and wellbeing of our pumpkins.

P.S. I forgot to mention, we let ourselves go mainly because we don’t have time…give us a chance to adjust for God’s sake, stop putting us down even more!

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A mothers’ joy begins when new life is stirring inside…when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone.

I hope you guys have enjoyed this post, and please message us with your opinions and stories too. Also, follow us on instagram @inspiring2aspire.

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